Why Movies Have Made Me Terrified of Lakes

Day 3 of Halloween Week!

Are your teeth sore yet?

Vote for your favorite Halloween Creature HERE to help me decide what to be for Halloween.  As you can see, today I am one of the scariest of all the Halloween creatures…

WEREWOLF!

You can tell I’m a werewolf by my curved fingernails, fused together eyebrows and crazy eyes!  And the fact that I’m utterly terrifying.

You know what werewolves remind me of? Lakes.

Which is a not at all awkward and horribly placed segway into:

Why Movies Have Made Me Terrified of Lakes:

A Tale Told in Pictures

I have never been one for the outdoors.  I would blame growing up in Brooklyn, but I’m not juvenile.  I know that there’s something more to blame. I’m looking at you, MOVIES. They make me question why anybody would go to a lake for relaxation when you’re clearly going to be eaten alive.

Actually, why anybody would go to any type of body of water at all-

oceans,

swimming pools,

and, of course, showers

Oh, baths, too

But absolutely nothing good ever happens at a lake.

They’re apparently a hotbed of paranormal activity,

mutant lake creatures

and flesh eating viruses

Axed murderers looove to hang out around lake houses

Even Sandra Freakin Bullock had a time traveling mailbox which, while not utterly terrifying, is really weird.

Why anybody would go to a lake is beyond me. Any place where your face can get chewed off by microscopic bacteria, encounter a mutant repltilian creature or an axweilding maniac with mommy issues  and you run the risk of ending up in a relationship with Keanu Reeves OR Sandra Bullock just doesn’t seem worth it.

Am I wrong?

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20 comments on “Why Movies Have Made Me Terrified of Lakes

  1. Well, you have managed to scare the bejeebers out of me!

  2. zencherry says:

    Yes, it’s official. You ARE the funniest man on the planet. (Picks self back off from floor) That was AWESOME.

  3. Jan Simson says:

    That was an incredibly funny post! GREAT job! Cheers.

  4. Super funny… and super creepy! I personally love lakes and oceans.. showers and baths……… not so much. 😉

    Great post.

    Darlene

  5. April Denton says:

    AG, AWESOME! Everything you post is hilarious. I love this blog so much.

  6. Well, thanks for that just before bedtime 😦

  7. fishducky says:

    Expect a lawsuit! My husband is an attorney & you posted his picture (the first picture–you claimed it was a werewolf) without his permission. You should be more careful!

  8. LOVE this one! Your captions had me rolling – let it be noted that there was no actual “rolling” as I haven’t swept the floor since dinner. But I rolled in spirit. LOL The one that made me laugh the hardest was…I can’t pick. I just reviewed them again and I can’t pick. You and I will have to have a “caption-off”, sometime. Kinda like a walk off…er…you get the idea.

    Seriously though, lakes, oceans, seas and swimming pools scare the crap outta me. Some joker told me there were piranha in the lake we went to this summer. *faints dead away*

    Enjoying Halloween Week, enormously!

  9. hahaha. I don’t mind lakes for the most part, but they do seem to be the setting of some crazy shit. I remember my husband making me watch some episode of Freak Show where some huge blob ate people in the lake. It was kind of hokey as far as the production goes, but the concept was kind of creepy. Also, when I lived for FL for three years, you wouldn’t catch my butt near a body of fresh water. I have no interest in being alligator bait lol.

  10. AG says:

    Joanne – It was the Sandra Bullock thing, wasn’t it? I’m so sorry…

    Zencherry – I think you might be my biggest fan. You’re so awesome!

    Jan – Thanks, man! Cheers to you =D

    Darlene – I’m with you with the showers and the baths…dredding taking one right now…=D

    April – Thank you, ZombieMOM! You rock!

    Sarah & Marcie – I’m sorry! I was trying to be funny ::hides under a rock::

    fishducky – Legitamately scared me – I was like OH NO I HAVE NO MONEYS! Hahah, I guess my costume was one of your husband instead of a werewolf =P Thanks for reading =D

    Paige – Best comment everrrr and yes, caption off – only i think people might die of laughter. Or I might die of laughter. Not sure which. YOU ROCK!

    Amanda – Thanks so much =D I’m glad that you’re not terrified of lakes…maybe lakes are terrified of YOU

  11. I couldn’t agree more. I don’t do bodies of water. It’s the Freshwater Shark Syndrome. And don’t forget all the OTHER weird things in water, such as prehistoric creatures in glacial lakes.Cool graphics and humor . . .

  12. Jessie says:

    Haha, oh no, Sandra Bullock is pretty great! Reeves, not so much.

    Love your picture captions. Lakes *are* so much more terrifying in movies, so why does everyone hate the ocean? The predators there are all natural(ly enhanced).

    I agree on the shower one. Sometimes I get an eerie feeling and can’t stand to have my back turned. A creepy ghost hand may be behind me.

  13. Lakes have a certain wildernessy aspect to them. Ancient humans had a well-deserved fear of the wilderness. Modern humans, having walled the wilds off, now get all weepy and nostalgic.

    And then Jason’s mom kills them.

  14. Adeel Salman says:

    totally love IT 😀 this was the best thing so far in my day 🙂

  15. I was always apprehensive around Ricki Lake – now I know why.

  16. Awww, was just kidding 🙂

  17. […] Wednesday – Why Movies Have Made Me Terrified of Lakes […]

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