That’s right, another segment of Interviews with a Dead Playwright
because the live ones can file restraining orders ! I know what you’re thinking: “He’s finally snapped” “His first interview was with the Bard himself, William Shakespeare (CLICK HERE TO READ) how can he possibly top that?”
that’s a lot of pressure, I can’t, that’s not fair, there are a TON of brilliant dead playwrights out there who I can hallucinate talking to !
So today I sat down with one of the broodiest men who have ever taken to the
bottle pen, Mister Samuel Beckett!
AG: Hi Sam
Sam: Don’t call me Sam
AG: Why, because it rhymes with ham?
AG: If you looked like that, this interview would be OVER. Because I’d eat you.
Ham: All right I’m going
AG: No, no, come back! We have a picture of you, too.
Sam: I would love that picture of me, if I believed in love at all. A wise man named Me once said “Do we mean love, when we say love?”
AG: …you’re a really happy guy
Beckmeister: Nothing is funnier than unhappiness
AG: You are just quoting yourself, aren’t you
Beck: Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
AG: Well with an attitude like that, this interview is going to be madd
difficult annoying short
Samby: If we prick them, do they not bleed?
AG: That wasn’t you, don’t even front like that, Samuel Beckett!
Samuel: All right, that wasn’t me.
AG: Now, Sam
AG: -Uel, you’ve encountered your fair amount of regection in your life, haven’t you?
SamB: I suffered for my art
AG: Yeah, can you elaborate for all those readers who weren’t forced against their will to take theatre history and read Waiting for Godot 20 times?
sAm: Shouldn’t that sentence be a strike through?
saM: I wrote most of my plays in France during WWII, in which I pissed everybody off by talking against the Germans. I was in hiding, in exile, I was persecuted-
AG: Were you waiting for Godot?
SamuelMcCrankyPants: I WAS IN EXILE!
AG: So basically, you’ve had your fair share of rejection
AG: So do you have any words of advice for writers who have been regected?
Sam: Yes. Life sucks, buy a helmet
AG: Anything not as…I don’t know…Bumper Sticker-y?
SAm: FINE. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.
AG: Mhmm. Great. You’re hilarious
The Most Depressing Man Ever: Thanks
AG: LIGHTNING ROUND! What’s your favorite color?
AG: PREDICTABLE! Do people call you Becks? You know, after the beer?
AG: Are you sure?
AG: Were you named after Samuel Adams or Sam the Eagel?
Sam the Adams Eagle: What?
AG: Yeah, that’s pretty obvious
Sam: I would be offended if I weren’t a figment of your imagination
AG: You know what, Samuel Beckett, I can put on a black turtleneck and brood, too!
AG: Sam, thanks so much for being such a good sport. BTW your plays are full of humor. Sometimes. People usually don’t get the joke
Sam: Don’t be absurd
AG: HA good one! Anyway, thanks for spending some hours with me. This has been
the opposite of informative.