Interview with a Dead Playwright: Samuel Beckett

That’s right, another segment of Interviews with a Dead Playwright because the live ones can file restraining orders !  I know what you’re thinking: “He’s finally snapped” “His first interview was with the Bard himself, William Shakespeare (CLICK HERE TO READ) how can he possibly top that?”

Well, that’s a lot of pressure, I can’t, that’s not fair, there are a TON of brilliant dead playwrights out there who I can hallucinate talking to !

So today I sat down with one of the broodiest men who have ever taken to the bottle pen, Mister Samuel Beckett!

AG: Hi Sam

Sam: Don’t call me Sam

AG: Why, because it rhymes with ham?

AG: If you looked like that, this interview would be OVER.  Because I’d eat you.

Ham: All right I’m going

AG: No, no, come back! We have a picture of you, too.

AG: Seriously?

Sam: I would love that picture of me, if I believed in love at all.  A wise man named Me once said “Do we mean love, when we say love?”


AG: …you’re a really happy guy


Beckmeister: Nothing is funnier than unhappiness


AG: You are just quoting yourself, aren’t you


Beck: Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.


AG: Well with an attitude like that, this interview is going to be madd difficult annoying short
Samby: If we prick them, do they not bleed?
AG: That wasn’t you, don’t even front like that, Samuel Beckett!
Samuel:  All right, that wasn’t me.
AG: Now, Sam
Sam: ::grumblegrumble::
AG: -Uel, you’ve encountered your fair amount of regection in your life, haven’t you?
SamB: I suffered for my art
AG: Yeah, can you elaborate for all those readers who weren’t forced against their will to take theatre history and read Waiting for Godot 20 times?
sAm: Shouldn’t that sentence be a strike through?
AG: Nah.
saM: I wrote most of my plays in France during WWII, in which I pissed everybody off by talking against the Germans.  I was in hiding, in exile, I was persecuted-
AG: Were you waiting for Godot?
SamuelMcCrankyPants: I WAS IN EXILE!
AG: So basically, you’ve had your fair share of rejection
Sam: Yes
AG: So do you have any words of advice for writers who have been regected?
Sam: Yes. Life sucks, buy a helmet
AG: Anything not as…I don’t know…Bumper Sticker-y?
SAm: FINE.  Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.

AG: Mhmm.  Great.  You’re hilarious
The Most Depressing Man Ever:  Thanks
AG: LIGHTNING ROUND! What’s your favorite color?
Sam: Black
AG: PREDICTABLE! Do people call you Becks? You know, after the beer?
Becks: No
AG: Are you sure?
AG: Were you named after Samuel Adams or Sam the Eagel?
Sam the Adams Eagle: What?
AG: Yeah, that’s pretty obvious
Sam: I would be offended if I weren’t a figment of your imagination
AG: You know what, Samuel Beckett, I can put on a black turtleneck and brood, too!
AG: Sam, thanks so much for being such a good sport. BTW your plays are full of humor. Sometimes.  People usually don’t get the joke
Sam: Don’t be absurd
AG: HA good one!  Anyway, thanks for spending some hours with me.  This has been the opposite of informative.

Interview with a Dead Playwright: William Shakespeare

Day Two of Regected Halloween Week!

I love a good theme.

Don’t forget to vote for your favorite Halloween Creature HERE to help me decide what to be for Halloween.

If you’re AWESOME and voted, you’ll notice that the option of Ghost is missing.  That is because it’s officially the first LOSER, which also means it’s my first costume:

Freakin’ terrifying, I know.

So people don’t like ghosts.  Shocking.  Well that means I won’t be a ghost for Halloween – so what will I be?!  Only you can decide.

Speaking of ghosts and a segway as smooth as butter,

It’s time for my latest Brain Wave – Interviews with Dead Playwrights, because the live ones won’t talk to me !  Using the newest and latest and most expensive technology of Beer and Imagination, I sat down with the Ghost of the Bard himself, Mr. William Shakespeare!

AG: Seriously? You knew this was the Halloween week and you couldn’t even put on a costume?

Bill: You look ridiculous

AG: Yeah, says the man with the frilly collar.  Seriously, clown much?

Billy Shakes:  Don’t do that to me. Do you know who I am?

AG: Uh yah, do you know who I am?

Billy Shakes: No

AG: Fair enough. Can I offer you some black licorice or candy corn?

Shakes: Sure, I love black licorice and that candy corn is amusing in shape and texture.

AG: You really don’t read this blog, do you?

Shakes: I’m WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. Let’s get on with it, shall we?

AG: Fine, fine. So Will,

Will: You may call me The Bard

AG: ….So Will, What made you decide to be a playwright?

Mister S: I couldn’t do anything else –

AG: AH YES! Being a playwright is a calling that surpasses all others, leaving you void of breath and full of words

Bill:  No really, I tried acting and I sucked so I wrote plays instead.  And then I got rich.

AG: You made money being a writer?

Shake Yo Mama: No, I made money being a Playwright.  And from writing the Sonnets. The Queen Looooved My Sonnets

Shakes: Yeah she did

AG: ….

The Bard: Put it in a metaphor, baby!

AG: …Too much candy corn?

Shakes: Too much candy corn

AG: All right, well, the real reason I asked you to be a part of this series is because you have a new movie coming out

Peare: Ugh, don’t remind me.

AG: And everybody wants to know-

Shakespeare: Listen. I probably wrote those plays, all right? I may or may not have put my blood, sweat and tears into each lingering word, which I  or somebody else probably  wrote by hand and with ink.

AG: What are you talking about? I wanted to know how it was working with Vanessa Redgrave

Shakespeare: You really focus on the wrong things, you know that?

AG: Oh, look, a butterfly!

Shakespeare: All right, I’m leaving

AG: NO WAIT! Can you give my readers some advice on Regection?

Shakespeare: You know you’re spelling it wrong

AG: We spell it like this around here.  It’s a whole thing. Please read my blog, William Shakespeare.

ShakeyShakes: Well, all I can say is Keep writing.  Because one day they’ll make a movie about you claiming another writer wrote all of your plays and it will all be worth it.

AG: WELL, that’s inspirational

Free Willie: Thanks.

AG: Do you have anything else to share?

Shakespeare: Just keep writing.  Never stop the words from flowing. And ah heck,

AG: What are you supposed to be?

Shakes: I’m Zorro.

AG: Yeah but why the hat?

William: Yeah but why the sheet you little –