Hi AG ( I love that he said Hi. It lures me into a false sense of security. Well played).
Thank you again for your submission(s) (the s is in the parenthesis because we don’t have a separate mailing merge for people who submitted multiple entries and could care less if you entered 1 or 10) to this year’s WriteRIGHTNow!, a festival dedicated to exposing social issues that everybody writes about but gets us good, mediocre press due to their semi-controversial nature. We were overwhelmed by entries this year, as our competition was picked up and advertised by an American website, and we therefore had a lot of late nights at the office, skimming through crappy American plays. My wife threatened to divorce me because she said she didn’t believe that I was reading plays and not having an affair, which caused her to have an affair to get back at me. We are currently separated. Americans have ruined my life. But anyway, we had over 200 submissions, from which 8 have been chosen for production!
A great number, but not all!, of the submissions were of a very high quality this year and I am sorry to tell you that none of your pieces were of any interest nor of very high quality, so they have not been selected on this occasion of the anniversary in which you will be first be rejected by us.
Yo, Americans, next year we are going to restrict entries to those from this theatre-less country to make numbers of submissions more manageable and so-as to not destroy my life.
Sleep with one eye open,
C. King Revenge