Guest Blog by Melynda Fleury

My good friend AG has asked/demanded that I write something on his blog. I don’t know if he has lost his mind after some hard negotiating. (I wanted him to send me a chocolate silk pie. He finally agreed to send me ONE SLICE!) He truly is a hard negotiator. I love this guy!

After harder negotiating, on topic this time, (I’m supposed to get a slice of Peanut Butter pie out of this one.) we finally agreed that I was right and he was wrong. The topic should be about what I’m thankful for and not strip joints. (Although he argued that people could be thankful for strip joints.)

So here is a list of things I’m grateful for.

  1. Spell check. I know you all feel my pain here. What the heck would a mostly blind person do without all the red squiggles under my well thought out words? Sigh. I would marry the person that improves it by making sure it reads content. For example I once wrote I have the attention span of a FLEE. Oh spell check you rancid traitor! Why didn’t any lines appear to tell me I’m a dumb ass as it should have been FLEA.
  2. I am extremely grateful for moronic people. Why? They bring joy and pleasure to my soul. Laughter bubbles up at the sight of an oversized crack peeking up from a pair of suspender strapped pants. Joy overwhelms me when I see some kid with his drawers hanging half way to the ground and I burst into song at this sight. Oh yes. I do. I sing the pants on the ground song. So delightful.
  3. Pie. Oh pie. How I love thee. Your cheap imitator Cake, is no substitute for your creamy deliciousness, or your tart filling. I’m so very grateful you bless my table and stomach with your presence. I hope you decide to make many more appearances in almost any flavor. I love you pie!
  4. Toilet paper.  Need I say more?
  5. Deodorant.  Another blessed invention that some people have not discovered yet. I have recently decided to carry extra sticks of this concoction with me. You want to know why don’t you?  So I can hand them out on busses or in stores.  When someone is in line in front of me or behind me and has obviously not made the wonderful acquaintance of my friend Degree, I can whip out a stick and introduce them. I love giving. It fills my heart with gladness.
  6. Indoor plumbing. Something we all take for granted. I beg of you to thank your sinks and pipes, toilets and showers. They are very underrated. Even if they are not in the best of conditions, go take a hiking in trip in December. You will never whine again about their short comings.
  7. People that don’t know me. That’s right. Think about it. When you are in a group of people you don’t know, can you not be yourself? When walking down the aisle of your favorite store, imagine your favorite song coming on the loud speaker. You can bust a jam right then and there. You can bellow all the wrong lyrics to passerbies. What does it matter? You don’t know them anyway. God bless you people I don’t know.
  8. Friends and family. These people deserve all my gratitude and then some.  After all, these people know what you do in stores AND in private and they still hang out with you. (by you I mean me of course. I’m sure none of you do these asinine things.)
  9. Dogs. I love dogs more than pie. I’m thankful for my dogs. They always listen to me when I babble on and on about things like pie.  They never argue or talk back. They love you even if you get their dinners to them late. They don’t care if you dance around like a wild monkey when no one else is home. They are one of God’s best creations.
  10. Lastly, I am grateful for packaged meat. I could never be a hunter. If I had to kill, gut and clean my meat I would be a vegetarian. So thank you little Styrofoam packages that hold the meat in place. Thank you, saran wrap for keeping the package together. Thank you butcher for being kind enough to do the dirty work for me. You are a good stranger friend. I know you stink when you get home. Know all of us meat lovers appreciate you.

 

A G Thank you for the opportunity to write some nonsense on your outstanding blog! I will graciously accept your pie donations. ( How are you going to get it to me? You better package it right. I don’t want to have to lick the box. I will, but I don’t want to have to.)

Peace out my friends. Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. Don’t quit finding things you are grateful for.

 

Biography: I am a mother or three, in the midst of training my second (and hopefully last.) husband. My days are filled with cleaning, organizing six peoples schedules, (my sister and her kid live with us also.) laundry, (which is the bane of my life.) two dogs, three cats, and two ferrets. When I get a chance to breathe I try to jump in the shower, which is usually interrupted by someone howling for my time and attention. You can find me over at Crazy World   just like AG did. There I spout a bunch of nonsense like you just read. Be warned. This blog has no rhyme of reason. I write about things that amuse me or touch me.

 

And AG Says: And I am thankful for Miss Melynda, who consistently makes me laugh out loud with her crazy antics.  Everybody hop, skip and jump over to her blog and laugh!

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