The 7 Stages of ReJection

Stage 1 – Shock

No.  There is no mistake.

Some advice:

Stop making that face immediately. Nobody wants to see that.

Stage 2 – Denial

Well, what else are you gonna do?  Write a strongly worded letter to the contest/publisher/artistic director in question calling them a loser and telling them to go do something explicit to a body part with a plunger household item?

Some advice:

Don’t do that.

Stage 3 – Anger

After all the time and Energy and Sweat Blood Tears  MISSED HOURS OF AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL SLEEP, THEY HAVE REJECTED YOU IN A POORLY FORMATTED, UNORIGINAL FORM LETTER.

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHHHHH

STELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAA
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

SOME BLEEPIN’ ADVICE:

Put down the bat.

Do not punch a mirror.  Or a wall.  Maybe a pillow.  Or your sister’s stuffed rabbit.

Stage 4 – Depression

As soon as you punch that rabbit, the anger dissipates, replaced by a deep sadness that makes you want to rip off your pants, put on your fuzzy robe and eat every donut in the world.

Some advice:

Do not listen to Enya.

Or Sarah Machaksfjsjadj Mclachlan.
Do take off your pants.  That’s an automatic win.

Stage 5 – Jealousy

SO.  Bob Jim and Mary Lou Who’s plays were “good enough”?
Yeah well, I heard that their plays SUCK AND KICK PUPPIES.
THAT’S FINE, I DON’T EVEN WANNA BE ASSOCIATED WITH A THEATRE COMPANY WHO CHOOSES PLAYS THAT KICK PUPPIES, I LISTEN TO SARAH MCLACHLAN

Some advice:

Don’t eat mice feel bad.  Feel the feeling.  Accept the feeling.  Then kick it in its ass and move on.

Stage 6 – Acceptance

Finally.  The clouds have parted.  You have stumbled across a few new contests to enter.  Your friends have brought you beer.
Lots of beer.
You’re drunk
Things ain’t so bad.

Some advice:

Don’t sing Koombaya.  That’s totally cliche and unoriginal.

Stage 7 – Blogging

Or you know, something else fun.  Like skeetball.  Or sky diving.

Some advice:

Never stop writing.  Never stop submitting.
And never forget to laugh.

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13 comments on “The 7 Stages of ReJection

  1. jkdeblieck says:

    Bwahahahahaha…snort!
    Too funny.
    Thanks for the laugh. 🙂

  2. Adeel Salman says:

    totally funny… but very well written… i believe that rejections can be very damaging unless one knows how to handle it. your post is funny yet it talks about this issue in a very apt manner… well done. Two thumbs up

  3. haha very nice! i just have to note that it’s also very similar to the stages of grief. thanks for posting, it was very entertaining!

    • AG says:

      I definitely used the stages of grief as a model because, let’s face it, getting a rejection can be a major freakin’ blow. But I did put in jealousy and blogging, which I don’t think are a part of that model…thanks for reading

  4. this made me laugh so much, thanks!

  5. wordsfallfrommyeyes says:

    Very cute – and loved the pictures!

  6. Crystal says:

    Oh, I am LMAO!!! Also? I love that you’re starting to incorporate drawings into your posts! Those faces are freaking priceless. Well done, my friend, well done!

  7. Elisa says:

    Every writer should read your blog–seriously! This is sooo funny. I almost peed my pants laughing when I read, “Some advice: Do not listen to Enya.”

    LOVE it :0)

  8. Saronai says:

    Wonderful post! And so many new stick figures to giggle over. Thanks for the post, it was both fun, amusing, and helpful!

  9. Marcie Hill says:

    This was a great way to start my morning reading! And I absolutely love the images! While I understand the 7 stages, I would go straight from 1 to 7. After the shock really kicked in, I would start blogging. It would take my mind off of stages 2 – 6.

  10. Elisa says:

    Stage 7—ROFL!!!

    P. S. I LOVE skydiving.

  11. Liz says:

    Love. Love this. You are too funny!

  12. autoankauf says:

    Thanks for the laugh.

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