Zombies and Candy and Regection, Oh MY!

An Event SO BIG it needs its own Banner:

WHO DID THAT TO THOSE PUMPKINS?!

I’m easily amused.

Anywho, this is basically going to be a week of posts incorporating regection with Halloween.

Don’t forget to click here vote to help me decide what costume I’ll be wearing on Halloween! I’ll be dressing up like the losers throughout the week, with the big reveal next Monday.  ROCK ON!

Speaking of losers and a convenient segway,

A few days ago, I asked you all what your least favorite candy was and an OVERWHELMING amount of you listed two not even in the running.  Talk about a backward Cinderella story.

Your revulsion at the very thought of them made your teeth shake and the saliva just evaporate from your tongue.  There is no candy in the universe that is hated more than these two guys.  Make sure to fill your candy bowls with chocolate, gum, even apples and pennies.  Do not enlist the help of these candies unless you want kids and their parents to go running from your home, screaming in absolute terror.

That’s right. I am talking about:

I’m talking about Candy Corn (or as Lizzie McMizzie says “THE FEAST OF CAVITY-RIDDLED DEMONS”) and Black Licorice aka “Black Rubber”, “Burnt Tar”, and “Dirty Socks”.

I was shocked SHOCKED at how passionate people are about the disgust of both of these candies cause, especially since I happen to love black licorice.  I actually went out to the store to purchase some because I was like Well, more for me!

I also turned into PAC-MAN.

As I was munching on my delicious licorice (say it three times fast!), I imagined a conversation that might take place between the two of these regected treats…

CC: You know what I find particularly funny?

BL: This blog?

CC: Hahaha no

BL: I know, right?  I can’t believe we’re featured on this rag

CC: It makes me so sad. Where did life go wrong for us, Lic?

BL: I think it all began when my batch of sugar gelatin got mixed up with some shoe leather

CC: I COULDA BEEN SOMETHIN! I COULDA BEEN A Cupid Corn

BL: Cupid Corn?

CC:

BL: Honestly, that looks just as disgusting

CC: What do you know, you could have been in a shoe

BL:  At least people like me more than they like you

CC: At least people are guaranteed to hand me out at parties because I’m thematically appealing

BL: FORGET YOU! I’m gonna go make it on my own!

CC: Nobody likes you

BL: No, Candy Corn. Nobody likes US.  Are you crying?

CC: I just want to be loved, Lic! I just want to be loved.

And then I ate them both, because even though I don’t particularly like candy corn, I’m always fascinated by no matter how many I eat, I can’t seem to taste them.  Seriosuly, what do they taste like besides pure dyed sugar?

And then I wonder why my face is vibrating.

And thus ends the sad, sad tale of these two regected treats.  Show them a little love.  And then eat your chocolate instead.

 

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25 comments on “Zombies and Candy and Regection, Oh MY!

  1. You ever seen this? Lewis Black on Candy Corn. Pretty much sums it up for me:

  2. momsomniac says:

    Hmmm…I love BOTH black licorice AND candy corn. Could this explain my pre-wedded dating escapades? I wonder…

  3. Kristen Caven says:

    Ha ha, I didn’t even respond to the quiz since Candy Corn wasn’t on it!

    I wonder if you eat both of those together if you turn into a zombie?

  4. Saronai says:

    That

    Was

    Awesome

    One of my favourite regection posts.

    –Saronai, who voted out the candy corns

  5. Amy says:

    I use candy corn as decorations because it is, as you so eloquently put it “thematically appealing.” It tastes like wax dipped in fake sugar. Not a good combo.
    Black licorice is from the devil.

  6. As one of Satan’s minions, I have to say I adore black licorice and can eat Good ‘N Plenty’s til my tongue burns. One day, you will all be converted, whether you believe so now or not.

    It’s also helpful if you drink absinthe since that’s what it tastes like.

  7. I hope when you were eating the candy corn you bit off each color instead of just throwing it in your mouth. Kinda like the oreo twist-open-then-scrape-creme-with-teeth ritual. 🙂

  8. Hate black licorice; love candy corn. In fact, if you and your readers don’t already know this, if you mix equal parts candy corn and salted peanuts, and then eat a handful, it tastes just like a Payday candy bar. True story. (Legitimately true, not Hotspur true.)

  9. What is candy corn? Is it like popcorn? I like popcorn.

  10. I adore black licorice. And candy corn, while not my favorite, doesn’t skeeze me out, either. I kinda like it, but the sugar high is so crazy! I think you’re right, it’s pure sugar w/ some food coloring and some sort of binding agent to hold it together. However, chocolate is still the best! And I will kill for those miniature 3 Musketeers! Mmmmmmmmmmm, mini 3 Musketeers. Mmmmm!

  11. Marcie says:

    I’ve never seen a conversation between regected candies of any kind… You should submit this to the makers of these two candies and tell them to hire you just for this season. I bet their sales skyrocket.

  12. julie f says:

    Candy corn can be used as false teeth in certain states. Cheaper than dentures, and if you swallow one, no harm, no foul. Other than that I see no edible purpose for them.

  13. Hahaha. Great post and I like the illustrations.

  14. Kelly Gamble says:

    I dream of a caramel apple with candy corn eyes and licorice hair. It’s the new pumpkin.

  15. Brinda says:

    I sorta love candy corn, but I only partake at Halloween and then it sorta makes me sick because I eat tooooo many. 🙂

  16. “Nobody likes you.”
    “No, Candy Corn, nobody likes US.”
    Priceless.

  17. I have long agreed with Brinda, and followed the Candy Corn Clock: from 5pm on Oct. 31st, candy corn may be consumed with reckless abandon. All consumption must cease at midnight on Nov. 1st. In this respect, eating candy corn is like Mardi Gras: get yourself to church and repent the next day.

    When I was a tad I hated black licorice and believed it tasted like sweet-peppered death.

    Now I do not care. There is more than enough chocolate to enjoy, even if it comes in tiny irritating “fun-sized” packages that contain no fun.

  18. Jessie says:

    I just found your blog yesterday and I have got to say, I love it! Such funny concepts! And I am shocked to hear this too! Black licorice I understand (I can’t stand it 0.o) but candy corn? Love it! Of course, I am not going to choose it over a Reeses Cup but still. I wonder what holiday has the best themed desserts? Conversation hearts? Cadbury eggs? Christmas Tree Little Debbies? Your posts always have me coming up with such interesting thoughts and questions!

  19. emmiemears says:

    I know you already gots them, but I gave you another Versatile Blogger award. Cos your blog is great.

  20. Elisa says:

    You are so epic! I LOVE black licorice AND pac-man too 🙂

  21. Liz says:

    I agree with black licorice — seriously can’t stand the taste. But Candy Corn I’m kind of ambivalent about. I do have a very specific way I eat them – tip, top, middle.

  22. melynda says:

    I have to say i like both of those candies too. lol I don’t know why but now I feel like eating some candy corn.. Maybe i’m just hungry. If you get a second you should read my mistaken identity post. Pretty sure we could come up with a use for my little mistake and some of your candy lol

  23. Adeel Salman says:

    one word- AWESOME… you should write a book 😀

  24. rickythewiz says:

    I like liqorice or is it licorice or a lickarish. Anyway I like it and I have no idea what candy corn is. We probably have something like it in the UK, but I wouldn’t know what. Anyway I’m glad you ate the two bits of talking candy, in what was essentialy a very H.G. Wells, tinged with Edgar Allen Poe, sort of scenario, and ended in a manner suitable for halloween.

  25. […] Monday – Regected Candy […]

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