Why I Regected My Job: The Final Installment

And unlike Rocky, Indiana Jones and Sister Act, this shall, indeed, be the final installment in the trilogy that is Why I Left My Job in this Bitter Economy.

When we last left off, AG was to be locked in a room for two weeks, doing a job I didn’t quite understand with a woman who was offended by good hygiene and believed that life was too short to not change her mind every five minutes.

Now guys.  I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m generally like this:

My boss was more like this:

Only older.

(Don’t worry, all, I doctored that.  Even Cruella Deville isn’t as nasty as my boss was and she wanted to make a coat out of puppies.  Let that sink  in for a minute.)

So my boss and I got through some stuff together.  Namely the East Coast Earthquake of 2011:

And Hurricane Irene:

(WARNING: Flash of Genitalia will happen).

And things were OVERWHELMINGLY busy but I was keeping up with things, doing my job and the other guy’s job AND juggling my boss’ mind changing/odd sense of prioritizing and I felt like A BOSS.  Not like my boss but A Boss.  You know?

I think you do.

But I was doing it, all.  The one thing that my boss never wanted me to do. I was MAKING MISTAKES.

Again, these were not earth shattering mistakes (honestly, the east coast earthquake was bigger than the mistakes I made), but I was clearly offending my boss.  But I kept trying.

So during that time, I heard from my boss that it was going to be my boss’ 85th birthday.  I heard this because we were in a tiny room and my boss was making birthday plans NONSTOP and then had to rearrange all of them for Hurricane Irene.  So I thought Hey. You know, turning 85 is a good thing and I’m one to do something for a person’s birthday if I know about it, so I got her a small plant the day of her birthday. And she was actually very happy with it and touched and she smiled at me and her face cracked in half I thought wow, we made it through the metaphorical AND physical storm.  Maybe we’ll be okay.

LIES.

Because about 2.5 minutes later, guess what happened.

Me: Where’s the white out?

Boss: Why do you need white out?

Me: I mislabeled something.

Boss: You did what?

Me: Do we not have white out?

Boss: WHY ARE YOU SO INCREDIABLY INCOMPETENT?!

Me: ….Excuse me?

Boss: You literally can’t do ANYTHING right-

I’m going to save you from the tirade. All you need to know is my face went from this:

to this

Nothing I do is right.

That went on for a half an hour.
Don’t worry, I would still answer the phones while she was yelling at me.

That wasn’t awkward. At all.

Don’t worry.  By the end of the day, she remembered to thank me for the plant.

That was the first of three half hour lectures I received.

So this is my advice to everyone:

If you know your worth, and you know that you’re worth more than what you’re doing and have bigger and better goals than being an old lady’s punching bag, leave.  Because even though it’s terrifying and you’ll second and third and a million times guess yourself, you know what you have to do. And everything else will fall into place.

As soon as I put in my two weeks notice, I got two interviews. And I made it to the second round of interviews for one – and got the other. So I guess my mistake making bootay will be somebody else’s problem awesomeness.

Know your worth. And go for it.

I know that was pretty heavy, so here’s a dramatic chipmunk remix.

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32 comments on “Why I Regected My Job: The Final Installment

  1. redplace says:

    Ha, love it. Hilarious!

  2. No job is worth feeling mediocre. I mean that stuff can carry over outside the work place. Just dig deep and focus on you and perhaps another job with someone who at least vacuums. I mean geez! That phone still creeps me out when I think about it.

    And yay, pumpkins!

  3. chickymara says:

    Good for you!! Nobody deserves to be bullied. Especially by an 85 year old lady who thinks bathing is over rated.

  4. Good for you, AG! 😀 This post comes at an interesting point in my “career” that is basically a “job” now. I am pretty sure your boss and my boss are related in some way. My boss does this “head shake” thing when I make a mistake and then asks me, “What is wrong with you?”

    And yeah…. not some earth shattering mistake equivalent to a dog sneaking in the office and pooping all over his desk. More like a typo in a letter because I did my best to read his hand written draft which looks like it was written by a five year old doped up on Koolaid.

    Thanks for the heavy post. Tomorrow will be a new day for me.

    Darlene

  5. fishducky says:

    GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. I thoroughly enjoyed your post. Touche!

  7. deansky says:

    Ha! Utterly brilliant! Had to tweet it twice just to make the point :o)

  8. Marcie Hill says:

    There is a reason why I make sure I read your stories in the morning. This is too funny! Blessings on your new position. They will appreciate your awesomeness. I definitely do! Have a great day!

  9. Megan says:

    Love this post! Good for you! I also left my job last year to write fulltime, and I can say now it was one of the best decisions I ever made. 🙂

  10. melynda says:

    I’m back my friend and it seems not a minute to soon! I’m glad you quit that loser job! What the hell is wrong with that lady? Sorry for the language. I hope you are very happy in your new job and keep on writing.. You are such an encouragement. Thanks for coming by during my hiatus. 🙂

  11. elizabethweaver says:

    Stay with it…with this humor and ability to pull supportive clips, you will make it creatively….time time time…so little so much.

  12. chehilario14 says:

    This post is exactly what I needed to read! I just resigned from work, too. I’m really happy I read your blog because I’m starting to feel I did a wrong decision but you reminded me why I quit the job.

    “If you know your worth, and you know that you’re worth more than what you’re doing and have bigger and better goals than being an old lady’s punching bag, leave. Because even though it’s terrifying and you’ll second and third and a million times guess yourself, you know what you have to do. And everything else will fall into place.”

    Thanks so much for this trilogy, I really enjoyed it! It gave me the courage to move on to a better life. =)
    In case you might want to read, I wrote about my resignation few weeks ago here: http://chehilario.wordpress.com/page/2/

    Keep writing and good luck to your new job. =)

  13. Good for you! I definitely know the feeling…you know the one where you feel about as important as the stapler refills….not even the actual stapler. Glad to have you back, and best of luck with the new job prospects!…:)

  14. Debra Kristi says:

    So glad you’re out of the situation. No job is worth that. Life is too short for that kind of emotional bulling and tear-down. Karma, my friend, it will all come back on her eventually. At least, I like to think so. Oh! Who said that?

    Glad you are back. I have been biting my nails waiting for the last installment of this story!

  15. robpixaday says:

    Whoa.
    Good move, the leaving.

    Good luck with the search for a new job…sounds like you’ll do well.

    I’m trying soooooooo hard not to laugh. I spent 24 years working for one company and had a boss who would’ve made an excellent mate for yours. He looked like Ernest Borgnine if someone made Ernest Borgnine’s face into a candle and let it burn too long. And he was heartily mean. Joyfully nasty. Gleefully loathsome.

    Will be back to see how you’re doing!
    ::waves::

  16. robpixaday says:

    Whoops! Forgot this important bit: That guy was my boss for only 2 years. He decided to retire and spread his jolly self around the world.

  17. Saronai says:

    Lies!!!

    There wasn’t a single chipmunk in that entire video

    /disappointed

    was a suitable comedic relief choice for the post though. With less funnies than usual, was still an awesome read.

    Know your worth is a very good message, thanks!

  18. julie f says:

    You are totally worth so much more than being the target of a geriatric misanthrope. She probably drank the white out in a futile effort to purify her soul. Congrats on the new job!!

  19. Liza says:

    Bravo!!! Standing ovation. Yes. You. Rock!

  20. Lydia K says:

    Ah, good job! Er, maybe I should reword that last sentence…

    I found you from Julie’s blog and the PIF blogfest. Nice to meet you!

  21. asoulwalker says:

    That was epic… oh, and your post wasn’t half bad either. Yay chipmunks.

  22. tymoteuszart says:

    Wow your ex-boss sounds like some tyrant, all she needs is a whip.

  23. Elisa says:

    You are a strong, wonderful person! I’m so glad you were able to get out of such a sucky situation 🙂

  24. zencherry says:

    Your blog is a must-tweet for me. I try to prop it every day and when I don’t I feel regeeected and sad, and strangely feel like drawing cool stick figures. 😉 Love your blog. LOVE. IT.

  25. melynda says:

    Hey you! Havent heard from you lately. I hope you are doing good and just adjusting to a new job. Hope you are having a great day my friend.

  26. Ha ha ha ha! I could not stop laughing! Not at your expense, of course. 😉

    1) I know someone who nicknamed her boss Cruello because he was so awful. I believe he used to piss in jars and leave them in his office. I’m not sure what his reasoning was behind that one. I wonder if your Cruella and this Cruello are related somehow.

    2) I know what it’s like to have some ridiculous diva with a loud mouth problem, yelling at you while you’re on the phone. It is indeed, very awkward.

    Thank god that job only lasted two days. I was fired. Because I couldn’t get him a town car that would take him 45 minutes out of the city when a snow fall/ice storm was happening in Seattle (the world’s most dangerous place to have ice on the streets since they refuse to salt the roads and they have mini San Fran hills). No one was on the road and anyone who was, was stuck there for 6 hours.

    I probably would’ve been fired because he would’ve been stuck in a snow/ice storm for 6 hours. He would totally do that.

    3) Thanks for the reminder to be brave venturing into a new job. I just left a crappy job for what I think may be a pretty good job. I stayed with the crappy job because I was scared. I’m still scared but happier. 🙂

    It’s good to be free 🙂

  27. Isis Rushdan says:

    I cheered (on the inside) for you giving notice. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Thank heavens you’ve moved on. Fingers crossed you get good news tomorrow.

  28. emmiemears says:

    This makes me want to regect my own job…like yesterday when the following occurred:

    (To set the stage, Employee–we’ll call her Squeaker–sits down after 12 consecutive break-less hours of cocktail serving. No, she did not serve herself a much-deserved cocktail.)

    Manager-In-Training: What are you doing?
    Squeaker: I haven’t had a break yet today. I checked on all my tables, and I’m sitting down for a minute.
    Manager-In-Training: You didn’t have permission yadda yadda roar you suck roar “you can take a break at 2 AM.”
    (2 AM is when we close. See what he did there? So clever.)
    Squeaker gets up, goes back to her section pissed off because she clearly didn’t get his joke, which of course was very funny and sensitive to little things like working from 10 AM till 2 AM and labor laws.
    General Man-ager: She’s just having female hysterics — because she can’t handle working a 16 hour day with no break because she’s a woman, clearly.
    (Commentary post hyphen is Squeaker’s and my interpretation of the “female hysterics” comment)

    Or today when my Man-ager told me that real men don’t go grocery shopping. That’s why he has a wife.

    • emmiemears says:

      I should add…good for you for doing what I haven’t had the nerve cluster to do yet. Aaaaaand I wish you heaps of luck at the new job.

  29. Liz says:

    Was MIA for a bit, but catching up with your blog! That picture of Beaker made my day.

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