Why I Regected My Job: Part II

…or as I like to call it:

Everybody Makes Mistakes, But You Better Not.

So it’s a fact of life.  We all do it, sometimes, probably multiple times a day.  They come in many shapes and sizes.  Some look like this:

Some look like this:

When I started my job, I really had no idea what I was doing.  It was in a field I had no experience in.  My interview went like this:

Boss: So do you know anything about this field whatsoever?

Me: No

BAM.  I don’t lie when it comes to job skills to avoid this conversation:

Bad Scenario: You lied to me!

Me: I THOUGHT I’D KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE HEART ONCE IT WAS OUT!

So when I was told I got the job, I was a little surprised but pretty confident in my abilities to learn from asking questions and paying attention during training.

Except there was about five minutes of training before they started me off. It went like this:

Supervisor: Click here here here here input here there do the hokey pokey but don’t turn yourself around except in cases where you have to click here and there.
Got it?

Me: Not at all

Supervisor: If you have any questions, ask

Me: Can you explain it again?

Boss: Why doesn’t AG understand?

Supervisor: I don’t know, I just explained it

Boss: AG, were you not listening?

Me: I’m just a little confused

[phone rings]

Supervisor: Why aren’t you answering the phone?

Me: I’m sorry I didn’t know [answers phone]

Boss: Why didn’t AG know

Supervisor: I don’t know, I just explained it

Me: Hello, Worst Company in the World, how may I help you?

Boss: We don’t answer the phone like – Why did AG answer the phone like that?

Superviser: I dunno, I just explained it

Me: I’m sorry, there is chatter going on in the background, what was your name?

Boss: We don’t ask customers their – Why did AG ask the customer their name?

Supervisor: I just explained it

Boss: AG, we never ever ever say the company’s name. Ever.  And you don’t ask the customers why they’re calling- you just pass the call along to me. And we say Good Morning or Good Afternoon, we NEVER EVER EVER SAY HELLO

Supervisor: Just like I explained it

Me: ….so there’s a customer on the phone

Boss: Who is it and what do they want?

That was my five minutes of training.

And I made a LOT of mistakes my first two weeks. You know the type.  The I’m New at this Job and I Didn’t Realize I Was Doing it Wrong mistakes.
But the conversation would go like this:

Boss: You can’t do it like this, this destroys everything I have ever lived for!

Me: I’m sorry, I won’t make that mistake again.

Boss: THIS IS A HUGE DEAL

Me: I just fixed the mistake

Boss: I WILL HOLD THIS AGAINST YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR EMPLOYMENT!

By the end of the day, I’d feel like this:

I felt like my mistakes were destroying everybody’s lives, but in reality, they weren’t.  They were easily fixable and nobody was effected by them. And I wouldn’t re-make the mistakes.

But they kept on changing the rules.  I felt like I was playing special edition Monopoly- confusing and just as long with no chance of winning in sight.

AND THEN my Supervisor went on vacation.  And they had me take over his job for two weeks.

Sticking with the theme, he gave me two minutes of training.

Supervisor: So you feel confident?

Me: Nope. I’m going to do my best but I think there’ll be a lot of mistakes because I really have no idea what is going on.

Supervisor: Aight, See you in two weeks!

Insert the sound of a door closing and picture me alone with a woman who resents me.

(Oh that’s right, it was only me, my boss and my supervisor in the office).

What happened after that? Stay tuned for Part III in the trilogy of Why I Regected My Job….

 

 

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15 comments on “Why I Regected My Job: Part II

  1. That’s interesting, AG.. I don’t think you share the office here with me.. so how were you able to so accurately describe what it is like to work for my boss?

    “Darlene, the letters get typed this way.”
    “ok.”
    SIX MONTHS LATER
    “Darlene! Why the hell are you typing the letters this way? They are to be typed THAT way!”

    At this point I do much eye rolling…

    You always put that humorous spin on your posts.. love it, love it, love it.

    Thanks, AG! 😀

    Dar;ene

  2. That’s interesting, AG.. I don’t think you share the office here with me.. so how were you able to so accurately describe what it is like to work for my boss?

    “Darlene, the letters get typed this way.”
    “ok.”
    SIX MONTHS LATER
    “Darlene! Why the hell are you typing the letters this way? They are to be typed THAT way!”

    At this point I do much eye rolling…

    You always put that humorous spin on your posts.. love it, love it, love it.

    Thanks, AG! 😀

    Darlene

  3. Kate Swenson says:

    Dear AG:

    I am glad you escaped crazy town. I am not glad I saw a picture of that phone. I will never forget it. Never. Never.

    – Kate

  4. Adeel Salman says:

    hahahhahahaha you should celebrate the fact that you escaped the hell hole… 😀

  5. Elisa says:

    I laughed out loud the first time the phone rang. Then, I rolled with laughter through the rest. SOOOO epic. I LOVE this post 🙂

  6. fishducky says:

    So now, as I see it, you are one VERY FUNNY unemployed lady!

  7. Yup, I remember that phone pic too. I wish I could unsee it.

  8. Kelly Gamble says:

    “Hello, Worst Company in the World, how may I help you?” —so funny!

  9. Been here. I constantly had the rules changing. Pull my hair out.

  10. rickythewiz says:

    I worked as a secondary school teacher for fifteen years and senior management were people who went into education to have an easy life, couldn’t teach and in the end it turned out they couldn’t manage either. So I spent fifteen years teaching the children no-one else could and got the job done with no support and no back up. I don’t teach any more because I had a such a bad break down in the end from teaching a timetable so bad that when I left they had to split it up because no-one could handle it and amazingly word of how tough it was got around and supply teachers refused to teach; I know this because my friend still at the school told me. I’m cleaning the offices of a major UK union as a temp worker at the moment and the people there are ‘lifers’ in an easy job and they seem stressed by what they do which makes me laugh – read my blog http//richardwiseman.blogspot.com/ about that if you want to know how useful they are and if you want a laugh about temp work read http://diaryofaraggedtrouseredphilanthropist.blogspot.com/
    Anyway I sympathise. Amongst a myriad or more jobs I put in for a job as a catering assistant at the hospital, an activities supervisor at a care home, a telephone help line advisor and a Subway worker and they all rejected me. I’m waiting to hear from a supermarket to see if they’ll let me stack their shelves. (rejected worker me!)
    Anyway it seems that in the world of employment, especially State Education in the UK, the scum float to the top. For all of that I’d rather be me than them any day and I know from reading your blog that I’d rather you were you. Chin up and as we say in the toilet cleaning trade ‘It’s not the flushable stinking turds that are making this job annoying.’

  11. Isis Rushdan says:

    Too freaking funny! I so needed this Lol today.

  12. Crystal says:

    OMG – I read part I and part II, and I have to say… We must be the same person! My last job was pretty much EXACTLY like this and while I, too, had some concerns about quitting, I have to say, even though I’m now back home with my parents and looking for yet another job because my current peeps aren’t giving me enough work, I have absolutely no regrets. It. Was. That. Bad.

    HUG! It’ll be OK. Congrats on setting yourself free, and I can’t wait to read the last instalment of the trilogy!!!

  13. This post leaves me with one question: why is this “most horrible company in the world” still in business? Or is it an escourt service? That industry always thrives no matter what the office staff is like.

  14. I have totally had a job like this! I was so glad I quit, I needed to keep my sanity, or at least what I have left of it.

  15. wolfshowl says:

    Oh god. This sounds so much like my week at the restaurant that shall remain nameless this week.

    So.

    Much.

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