Why I Regected My Job: Part I

As some of you may know, I quit my job.

I know, I know, economy and whatnot.  There were so many reasons to NOT quit, it was remarkable and I second guessed myself up to the bitter end.

Here’s what my Pros and Cons list looked like:

So why did I decide to leave?  How did I come to the conclusion?  I don’t know; I’m beginning to think I made the wrong decision.

I mean, it’s not like my boss was crazy. No, she was completely reasonable and logical at all times.  I mean, here’s what a conversation between us was like on any given hour of the day:

Boss: What are you doing?

Me: My job

Boss: I’m glad you’re doing your job, I just don’t understand why you’re doing it wrong.

Me: I’m doing it the way you told me

Boss: Well, I changed my mind and didn’t tell you.  I don’t think I even remember realizing that I changed my mind.  So do it this way now.

Me: All right, I will do it that way now.

THREE MINUTES LATER….

Boss: What are you doing?

Me: My job

Boss: But why are you doing it wrong AGAIN?

Me: I’m doing it exactly how you changed your mind to do it

Boss: Yes, but why penguins?

Me: What?

Boss: Penguins cannot fly and the ducks go away in winter, but where?

Me: …Do you mean to do it…this way?

Boss: BEEBOPSHALABADINGDONG! SHOOP SHOOP PING PANG!

Me: So…don’t answer the phones?

Boss: It’s in his kiss, that’s where it is!

Me: Please don’t recite song lyrics at me

Boss: Finish my thought for me- Airplanes in the night sky are like…..

Me: Shooting stars?

Boss: NO!  That’s inprobable

Me: But it’s a song.

Boss: No it’s not

Me: Here’s the youtube link

Boss: Youtube doesn’t exist.

Me: But it does

Boss: Implication that your intelligence is less than subpar.

Me: I will agree with you because all I want is to finish the work you have given me to do.

Boss: All I want to know is why you do everything wrong all the time

Me: I’m sorry, I’m really trying my hardest to do it right because I am a people pleaser and try to bring optomism into a pessimistic world

Boss: Well don’t do that, it hurts my eyes. Bring me a fresca

AG brings her a fresca

Boss: I WANTED APPLE JUICE

So I mean, it was clearly a healthy work environment.  And very clean.  Here are some of my favorite pictures of the work place:

Those aren’t moldy crumbs, that’s just magical work dust!

This is the phone I was on while I spoke to Dell for 6 hours, fixing my boss’ computer.  It didn’t smell like something had crawled inside the receiver and died in it, at all!
I’m sure it was SUPPOSED to smell that way, really.
Really.

And just in case you were wondering how in the heck the phone receiver could come to look like that:

I guess she thought that her receiver was some sort of trash can?  Or maybe she liked to mash her food with the phone.  Well, that’s GENIUS, using the phone for food preparation AND for talking. Wow.

I know you must be saying, AG, why the heck didn’t you clean that up?

Do you really think I didn’t try?

But I mean, all of that is negotiable…so why did I really quit?

Stay tuned for Part II….

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20 comments on “Why I Regected My Job: Part I

  1. zencherry says:

    =D Your blog is the best blog on the planet. Too funny AG. You’ve got to go syndicated on this or something, I swear.

  2. Marcie says:

    I agree with Zencherry. This is too funny. And you don’t even curse! You are proof that you can be funny without profanity. Thanks for making my evening.

  3. April Denton says:

    I agree with Marci and Zencherry. I am so so glad you got away from that soul sucking hell hole. Thank you for sharing AG! And oh BTW you caught your knee in one picture, stick-men don’t have knees. 😛

  4. Oh my, you’re just so unreasonable, wanting a boss to make sense, and not share second hand food with you!
    I can’t believe there is even a part two after seeing those pictures!

  5. I really enjoyed this! I will be looking out for the second instalment for sure.

  6. Adeel Salman says:

    hhahahahaha i love this…. totally empathize with you…. you made the right choice.

  7. MPLanglinais says:

    My guess is that she chose to save time by eating and talking on the phone at the same time.

    And yes, I’ve worked in a similar environment with a boss that our tiny office was pretty sure was showing signs of dementia . . . I also left, so I commend and support your courage.

  8. Brinda says:

    You may need to get tested now for inhalation of toxins (both physical and mental). Glad you escaped.

  9. That was too funny, take it a decontamination shower was in order after you left!

  10. Elisa says:

    LOL! Now I feel a bit better about my messy kitchen (where I’m typing from now). lol

    You made the right choice 😉 I’m excited to read Part II.

  11. julie f says:

    I am still laughing at the picture of your soul dying. Laughing with you, of course. I feel this way every day at my job. Only it’s in a hospital, so with a sterile environment and people that smell faintly of bleach. Good for you to get out with your soul intact!

  12. I still don’t know why you quit. I hope it is explained with graphs and pie charts in part II, which is where I am going right now but first I must clean my computer screen. I’m not sure but those photos look a little dirty.

  13. The dirt alone would’ve made me leave. I mean how much can you sanitize, really?! You’ll find something else, just focus on you now especially now that you’re feeling better.

  14. sentagirl says:

    OMG!! I work for your ex-boss’s evil twin sister! Let’s just hope she doesn’t discover this pos…

  15. sarahnsh says:

    I love your stick figures, they are just too funny! And those pictures of your work environment are just… wharf. That is so nasty!

  16. […] of work, read this blog. It talks about an evil job. It is hilarious. I think this blog made my day. It reminds me of a […]

  17. I was directed here by my friend’s blog http://littleseattleobservationist.wordpress.com . I laughed out loud a few times. Sorry you went through that but good for you making the decision to remove yourself from the situation.

  18. lol – looking forward to the next instalment…

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