Tag Archives: Halloween

Interview with a Dead Playwright: William Shakespeare

Day Two of Regected Halloween Week!

I love a good theme.

Don’t forget to vote for your favorite Halloween Creature HERE to help me decide what to be for Halloween.

If you’re AWESOME and voted, you’ll notice that the option of Ghost is missing.  That is because it’s officially the first LOSER, which also means it’s my first costume:

Freakin’ terrifying, I know.

So people don’t like ghosts.  Shocking.  Well that means I won’t be a ghost for Halloween – so what will I be?!  Only you can decide.

Speaking of ghosts and a segway as smooth as butter,

It’s time for my latest Brain Wave – Interviews with Dead Playwrights, because the live ones won’t talk to me !  Using the newest and latest and most expensive technology of Beer and Imagination, I sat down with the Ghost of the Bard himself, Mr. William Shakespeare!

AG: Seriously? You knew this was the Halloween week and you couldn’t even put on a costume?

Bill: You look ridiculous

AG: Yeah, says the man with the frilly collar.  Seriously, clown much?

Billy Shakes:  Don’t do that to me. Do you know who I am?

AG: Uh yah, do you know who I am?

Billy Shakes: No

AG: Fair enough. Can I offer you some black licorice or candy corn?

Shakes: Sure, I love black licorice and that candy corn is amusing in shape and texture.

AG: You really don’t read this blog, do you?

Shakes: I’m WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. Let’s get on with it, shall we?

AG: Fine, fine. So Will,

Will: You may call me The Bard

AG: ….So Will, What made you decide to be a playwright?

Mister S: I couldn’t do anything else -

AG: AH YES! Being a playwright is a calling that surpasses all others, leaving you void of breath and full of words

Bill:  No really, I tried acting and I sucked so I wrote plays instead.  And then I got rich.

AG: You made money being a writer?

Shake Yo Mama: No, I made money being a Playwright.  And from writing the Sonnets. The Queen Looooved My Sonnets

Shakes: Yeah she did

AG: ….

The Bard: Put it in a metaphor, baby!

AG: …Too much candy corn?

Shakes: Too much candy corn

AG: All right, well, the real reason I asked you to be a part of this series is because you have a new movie coming out

Peare: Ugh, don’t remind me.

AG: And everybody wants to know-

Shakespeare: Listen. I probably wrote those plays, all right? I may or may not have put my blood, sweat and tears into each lingering word, which I  or somebody else probably  wrote by hand and with ink.

AG: What are you talking about? I wanted to know how it was working with Vanessa Redgrave

Shakespeare: You really focus on the wrong things, you know that?

AG: Oh, look, a butterfly!

Shakespeare: All right, I’m leaving

AG: NO WAIT! Can you give my readers some advice on Regection?

Shakespeare: You know you’re spelling it wrong

AG: We spell it like this around here.  It’s a whole thing. Please read my blog, William Shakespeare.

ShakeyShakes: Well, all I can say is Keep writing.  Because one day they’ll make a movie about you claiming another writer wrote all of your plays and it will all be worth it.

AG: WELL, that’s inspirational

Free Willie: Thanks.

AG: Do you have anything else to share?

Shakespeare: Just keep writing.  Never stop the words from flowing. And ah heck,

AG: What are you supposed to be?

Shakes: I’m Zorro.

AG: Yeah but why the hat?

William: Yeah but why the sheet you little -

 

Zombies and Candy and Regection, Oh MY!

An Event SO BIG it needs its own Banner:

WHO DID THAT TO THOSE PUMPKINS?!

I’m easily amused.

Anywho, this is basically going to be a week of posts incorporating regection with Halloween.

Don’t forget to click here vote to help me decide what costume I’ll be wearing on Halloween! I’ll be dressing up like the losers throughout the week, with the big reveal next Monday.  ROCK ON!

Speaking of losers and a convenient segway,

A few days ago, I asked you all what your least favorite candy was and an OVERWHELMING amount of you listed two not even in the running.  Talk about a backward Cinderella story.

Your revulsion at the very thought of them made your teeth shake and the saliva just evaporate from your tongue.  There is no candy in the universe that is hated more than these two guys.  Make sure to fill your candy bowls with chocolate, gum, even apples and pennies.  Do not enlist the help of these candies unless you want kids and their parents to go running from your home, screaming in absolute terror.

That’s right. I am talking about:

I’m talking about Candy Corn (or as Lizzie McMizzie says “THE FEAST OF CAVITY-RIDDLED DEMONS”) and Black Licorice aka “Black Rubber”, “Burnt Tar”, and “Dirty Socks”.

I was shocked SHOCKED at how passionate people are about the disgust of both of these candies cause, especially since I happen to love black licorice.  I actually went out to the store to purchase some because I was like Well, more for me!

I also turned into PAC-MAN.

As I was munching on my delicious licorice (say it three times fast!), I imagined a conversation that might take place between the two of these regected treats…

CC: You know what I find particularly funny?

BL: This blog?

CC: Hahaha no

BL: I know, right?  I can’t believe we’re featured on this rag

CC: It makes me so sad. Where did life go wrong for us, Lic?

BL: I think it all began when my batch of sugar gelatin got mixed up with some shoe leather

CC: I COULDA BEEN SOMETHIN! I COULDA BEEN A Cupid Corn

BL: Cupid Corn?

CC:

BL: Honestly, that looks just as disgusting

CC: What do you know, you could have been in a shoe

BL:  At least people like me more than they like you

CC: At least people are guaranteed to hand me out at parties because I’m thematically appealing

BL: FORGET YOU! I’m gonna go make it on my own!

CC: Nobody likes you

BL: No, Candy Corn. Nobody likes US.  Are you crying?

CC: I just want to be loved, Lic! I just want to be loved.

And then I ate them both, because even though I don’t particularly like candy corn, I’m always fascinated by no matter how many I eat, I can’t seem to taste them.  Seriosuly, what do they taste like besides pure dyed sugar?

And then I wonder why my face is vibrating.

And thus ends the sad, sad tale of these two regected treats.  Show them a little love.  And then eat your chocolate instead.